Some depth, some humor, some in between...

So today was a great day. We got to church right at 10:50 for the 10:55 service, only to find out that the service had actually started at 10:30. The sermon was excellent though. It was all about how we are pure in heart and how God has forgiven us our sins - including the ones we have yet to commit. That is comforting. Obviously it shouldn't be permission to go out and sin, but it is "insurance" so that if it does happen, we're "covered" (did I just make a sappy biblical virtue/insurance reference...).

In my devotion from last night, I read about the different christian symbols for Jesus. Symbols such as the cross or communion, and how these symbols have the power to stir emotions that we did not know existed. As I think about this now, I am reminded of the worship service we had 2 years ago in Buffalo, NY on our mission trip. At the end of the week, the team leaders washed the hands of all of their workers - representative of Jesus' washing of the disciples' feet. I remember being so moved by this act and can only imagine how the disciples must have felt in the moment that Jesus, their Lord and Savior, was on his knees washing their feet.

Anyway, I say all of this to say that I am very glad I live for the God I live for. Ever forgiving and ever present. I just hope that I can do the same. When I don't hear from God, don't blame it on God, understand that I must find God in a different way; and the best way to do that is to be forever in a state of worship.

A little bit of holy, a whole lot of common place...

Alright, so day 1 of life inspired. I'm trying to find God in the little things...but being such the "overanalyzer" that I am, it's kind of hard. Maybe the things that I think are silly, nothingness things are big deals to other people. For instance, today, I let a man pull out in front of me in a long line of cars...is that holy in the common place? Is that me being an imitation of Christ? See, I feel like those are just stupid little things that everyone should do, but maybe that's the problem. Maybe no one does them, so they are, indeed, "holy in the common place". I just wish I could feel better about them.

This has all made me think of the quote from St. Francis of Assisi:

"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."

In other words, do good. Act. Do. Be. Good. I also feel like I need affirmation. I think my "love language" is words of affirmation. I love getting letters, notes, or even facebook wall posts saying things like, "thanks for being you" because it makes me know that there are people who appreciate me. I know that it's stupid because there ARE people who appreciate me, but sometimes it's good to be reminded.

Those are my thoughts for today. They aren't very long, but it's my goal to post something every day. Hope you've had a good day.

Today: A Review

Merry Christmas! This post will probably not be as philosophical as the past two (if they've even been philosophical)...I'm trying to focus on the positive! As Sara Groves' lyrics say:

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed

It's my mission for 2010.

Anyway, today was a great day. One of the best Christmases, even amid the many idiosyncrasies in this year's schedule. Here is a list of the presents I got:

- NRSV Study Bible

- Bible Commentary

- New Strand of Pearls

- Monogrammed Umbrella

- Brown Snow Boots

- Balderdash

...and other knick-knacks and gadgets. After we opened presents, we had breakfast featuring the Christian family tradition of breakfast casserole. After 21 years of eating it, I've realized that I'm not so much a fan. I'm not so much a fan of casseroles in general. C'est la vie!

My mom wasn't in a very good mood this morning and I think it was because she was ashamed that she didn't have hundreds of dollars of presents for me...that's so silly. I wanted to remind her that the time that we spend together is so much more important than anything wrapped in overpriced wrapping paper that will eventually be ripped to shreds or than bows that took 15 minutes to construct and 15 seconds to destroy.

I'm also blessed to be able to spend time with both of my grandmothers - both of whom are in their 80's and have nothing to complain about other than slight hearing loss and tired knees. I pray that those are my only health issues when I'm 83 years old. I love them and they have both taught me so much in life, but I'm sure I will inevitably regret not spending more time with them. My paternal grandmother has a college education, is a world traveler, and missionary; my maternal grandmother is a retired librarian, fabulous cook, and fashionista. They are seemingly the antitheses of each other, but they both love me and their families all the same.

I've rambled, and it's nearing bedtime, and, after Iron Chef goes off, that's where I'll be going. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas as much as I enjoyed mine. I hope you enjoyed your family today as much as I enjoyed mine. And I hope you remembered Christ the baby, who today is all about.

Christmas...already?

I cannot believe that it's Christmas. I don't know why, but it really snuck up on me this year. Maybe I just haven't been in the holiday spirit. It may also have something to do with the fact that this past semester was so stressful that now that I can finally sit and relax and meditate on the season, I lack the ability to do so. I wish that I could...I want to be able to fully enjoy the holidays.

In the time I have had to "get in the spirit", I have been reminded how much I love Christmas music that juxtaposes Christ the Child and Christ the Savior. This is especially popular in choir anthems that I have sung. One of my favorites is John Rutter's "Candlelight Carol":

How do you capture the wind on the water? How do you count all the stars in the sky?

How can you measure the love of a mother, or how can you write down a baby's first cry?

Shepherds and wisemen will kneel and adore him, Seraphim round him their vigil will keep;

Nations proclaim him their Lord and their Savior, but Mary will hold him and sing him to sleep.

Find him at Bethlehem laid in a manger: Christ our Redeemer asleep in the hay.

Godhead incarnate and hope of salvation: A child with his mother that first Christmas Day.

There is just something about the comparison of an innocent baby to the One who will save all of humanity that gives me chills...and hope. "Nations proclaim him their Lord and their Savior, but Mary will hold him and sing him to sleep." Mary knew of this extraordinary child to whom she had just given birth, but her first obligation was to love him as a mother...a plain, simple mother.

I wish I had the love of a mother for Jesus. It is more than just an obligatory love, it is a love conceived out of the inability to do anything else. I would like to love God out of the inability to do anything else, but I overanalyze it. It is more obligatory, at this point in my life. I love God because God is part of my life, but not because God IS my life. I have heard it said that the love a mother has for her child is a different kind of love than any other she has ever experienced...which is how Mary felt, she loved Jesus not because he was the "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace", but because he was her baby.

I hope that I can find that kind of love for God. I am too much of an analytical being. I need proof before I buy into something. I am not one to take risks. In order to have the love for God that Mary had, though, I suppose I need to adopt her way of life: "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." No questions, just commitment. I guess it also helps when you have a beaming angel standing in front of you saying, "Here's what's up...". That's the proof I need. But, until then...

look out world!

So I’ve realized that over the past 4 years of being in school, I’ve lost sight of any hobbies I once had. I thought I would start a blog to give in to the insatiable desire for our society to be connected…and to give me something to do. And here I am!

I just finished Donald Miller’s newest book, “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”. I am always blown away by how much I resonate with what he says in his books. I’d like to think he’s talking to me personally…like we’re sitting in a bar in Portland, OR drinking a blue moon (he would have something much more manly though, like a guinness) and he’s telling me his life story. But, alas, I am merely one of the millions sitting in their houses reading his book. One of my friends worked in Seattle this past summer and had a chance to meet one of his friends. We both hoped that meant one day we’d get to meet Don too; however, it has yet to come true. Sadly.

I don’t ever think my life is interesting enough to write about, and, honestly, I’ve always felt conceited keeping journals (virtual or not). I really want to go out and do things. I’d like to go to the West coast and jump in the Pacific Ocean. I really want to go on a road trip. But I don’t have the gumption or the know-how to get there. I’m also a big scaredy cat. Between you and me, sometimes I’m still afraid of the dark…why on earth would I think I can conquer the entire vastness of the United States during a road trip. Ugh.

In reading Don, Donald, Mr. Miller’s (I don’t know what to call him because after reading 4 of his books, I feel we’re old friends) new book, I’ve realized that I try too hard to understand God. That is an indefatigable feat that can never be accomplished. The way my brain works is to comprehend and figure out “things” on my own. I’ve never read the directions to a game or assembly directions to some complicated toy, I just dig right in and hope for the best. I think I do the same thing with God. I just jump in and tackle God and pray that I can understand what it is exactly that I’m doing here on this planet Earth. I’m never going to understand…so why can I not accept that? It is so incredibly frustrating. There must be some reason God made me this way…so do I stay the same, constantly letting myself down at my inability to comprehend The Incomprehensible; or do I fight with myself, with the way I’ve always been, to change to accept my lack of understanding? These are the questions that I wish God, in God’s booming-voiced glory, would yell out to me. But for now, I guess I’ll continue to wonder, and listen to the best of my ability.