Life is full of unpredictability and change. The worst part about this? No one can control it. I realize this is a common theme in my blogs. But I think this may be the first time I've actually admitted that I cannot be in control all the time. And this is also one time that I have never felt so out of control.

Sure, there are things I can control. I can control my grades in my efforts to do work. I can control my sleep patterns and the cleanliness of my apartment. But there are many things I cannot control. I cannot control injustice in the world. I cannot control my desire for love in my life. I cannot control the actions of people in my life that have a dramatic impact on my life. And each one of these leaves me turning back to unpredictability and change.

Over the past two weeks, various aspects of my life have been turned upside down, shaken around, and turned into more unpredictability and change than I have ever experienced. But through all of it, God has been faithful. God has put people in my life who have offered hugs, smiles, and words of encouragement. But it has also made me realize that it is okay to be upset and angry. Maybe going through tough times...unpredictability and change as the case may be...can bring us closer to God. I don't say this to mean that it is okay to hate God and turn away from God forever, but I do mean that working through difficulty and anger and sadness and fear can bring us into the presence of God in a way that any other everyday activities can't. I feel that God can reveal Godself to us through hurt and sadness and pain just as well as God can through joy and excitement and happiness.

Christianity encourages us to focus on the positive and to view God as the God who resurrects. And yes, I realize that the resurrection is the point of Christianity...but let us not forget the betrayal, and fear, and tears of blood...not to mention the cross. Jesus made pain and fear real and proved his humanity more in the garden than anywhere else. So we are okay doing the same...as long as we remember the promise of resurrection and salvation on the other side.

In this hour of doubt I see/Who I am is not just me/

So give me strength to die myself/So love can live to tell the tale.

I don't mean for this to sound morbid and depressing. I hope that if you're reading this, nothing unpredictable is going on in your life that is causing upheaval...but if it is, I hope you can find comfort in the providence of our Creator God. The God who is with us in good times and in bad...and who may even be revealed incredibly clearly in those bad times. Peace be with you, dear friends. Peace be with us all.