We've gotta hold up the mirror, and share in the blame...

So the church that I usually go to (Biltmore United Methodist) was cancelled today because of the ice, which was actually a blessing in disguise. I don't often get to visit other churches because I work at Biltmore and sing in the choir. Today, Sarah McCoy and I went to Mars Hill Baptist and, overall, it was a great service. We took communion and the litany that we read really got my attention:

"How can we eat our bread when we know there are others, far away, who are hungry? How can we drink our juice when we think of our brothers and sisters whose mouths are parched for lack of clean water? When Jesus first offered this meal to his disciples, it was to enlist them in the final suffering and victory: not to deny that bad things happen to good people, but to say that we share in everything we have, and everything that happens to us. We come to this table today to do exactly that - to remind ourselves that we are inextricably part of all the things and people of creation, of the seed and grade that grew into this meal, of the men and women and children who labor to rebuild their homes and their lives on the other side of the world. Let us not hold back, but join them. As you bless this meal, God, bless us too - make us a living meal, our substance and our attention in prayer poured out for your many children who are struggling this day. Hold us together in the invisible communion of the spirit."

The parts that I put in bold really spoke to me. This whole litany reminds me of the Caedmon's Call song "Share in the Blame":

Don’t blame your brother for the color of his skin
don’t blame your neighbor for the house he lives in
from the same cloth, we are made of, we are just the same
you gotta hold up the mirror and share in the blame

I want to be a part of something great and I want to do great things, but I don't know how. Either that or I feel like my efforts are all in vain because they "aren't enough". Today on CBS Sunday Morning (one of my favorite shows), there was a story about a girl who really took action. In the same 50 yard area, she saw a homeless man, and a man driving a luxury car. She said, "If that man didn't have such a nice car and had spent the money elsewhere, that homeless man may have something to eat and drink." This inspired her entire family. They sold their house (worth over a million dollars) and moved to a smaller house a few blocks away and donated all the excess money ($800,000) to a charity. They went to Africa and opened a corn mill for local women and their donation is aiding in the building of a medication facility.

I know that I don't have a million dollar house to sell, but I just want to know what I can do! I feel trapped because I don't know how to act...I literally do not know what actions I can take that will satiate my desire to "do".

Great and Loving God, what can I do to further your cause? How can I become more a part in the "invisible communion of the spirit"? Please direct me...please direct us all...

Ponder anew what the Almighty can do....

So, today's sermon at church was all about love. And after all of the devastation in Haiti, I got to thinking about the phenomenal amounts of love our country has shown to them. I also got to thinking about some of the remarks some of my "fellow brothers and sisters" in Christ have said about all of the aforementioned devastation.

"They were under the heel of the French, you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said 'We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.' True story. And so the devil said, 'Ok it’s a deal.' And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got something themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another," Robertson said.

In my minimal research, I found a website that discusses the history of France and Haiti. According to this website, there was tension between France and the French Colony of Saint Dominigue (which is present day Haiti) due to slavery. The slaves made pacts with Britain and Spain and, eventually, there was a threat of British and Spanish invasions, so France abolished slavery and the former slaves continued the revolt until they could finally declare themselves independent in 1804. Now, I know I may not be blessed with the spiritual gift of reading between the lines, but this doesn't sound too different from any of the other revolts that have occurred in any of the other hundreds of countries around the world, and I certainly don't see any mention of pact-making with the devil. I would also like to throw in that, although many websites do confirm that voodoo is a large part of worship in Haiti, 85% of the country is Roman Catholic.

I would also like to throw out there the fact that my God is not a vengeful God. I do not believe that God would do this to "get back" at the people of Haiti because they worship in an alternative way. Just the same way God did not cause Hurricane Katrina to go through New Orleans's French Quarter because of all the promiscuity that goes on there (because, after all, the French Quarter was almost untouched). I am not saying that God did not cause the earthquake or hurricane to happen, but I do not believe God caused them to happen out of shear vengeance. I do not believe that God is punishing those afflicted for things they have done because, if that is the case, I should not be sitting here typing this blog post. I just get so frustrated when people blame God for things they themselves cannot control. What kind of love does that show?

I pray that God lays a hand of healing and of peace on the people of Haiti. A hand that only the God of justice and love can lay - because the Haitians are my brothers and sisters too. I will love them through their anguish just as I will love those, who make comments like that above, through their ignorance.

growing up is hard to do...

"I shall never grow up; make believe is much too fun." -Eisley

If only...I begin my student teaching on Thursday which is kind of scary. Reality has yet to set in though - regardless of the fact that I spent 7 hours training today and the fact that I've been in email correspondence with my "cooperating teacher" as the educational field calls it. I feel like it was yesterday that I was the high schooler giving my student teacher a hard time...and I do not feel prepared to face all of those "me's" (you know the smart ass cynics who think they're way better than anyone...) that I'm sure to encounter.

Anyway, I was driving back up to school yesterday listening to one of the old caedmon's call cds and was reminded how much I love them! If you don't know of them, check them out. There's one song in which they paraphrase John 3:16 (For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. [RSV]):

For You so loved the unlovable,

that You gave the ineffable.

That who so believes the unbelievable,

will gain the unattainable.

Even though I am a linguistic nerd and thoroughly enjoy depth and critical thinking when it comes to texts, I think the reason I like this so much is because it is so simple. We are unloveable. Jesus is ineffable. Eternal life, without the ineffable, is unattainable. Incredible. Just because God loved us. Ineffable (according to my handy dandy built-in dictionary on my computer) is defined as "too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words". Wow. Did you know that in Webster's Dictionary, there are over 315,000 words...and not one of them can describe what God did for us. Incredible. I think there comes a point that even the most scholarly among us have no words, and at that moment we must "be still and know" that God is God. Be still. Just shut up with our powerful words (all 315,000+ of them)...and know that God is God. Sometimes that's hard. Especially for me.

I think this semester of student teaching will be great for me. I'm looking forward to the many lessons I will learn. I've been told about domestic violence...and drug use...but I've never seen it up front. Part of me hopes I do this semester. I need to experience different aspects of life that I haven't considered. I'm ready and willing to accept the challenge. Here we go...

New Year, New Post

I say "new year, new post" as if that's the reason I haven't written. Truth is, I just have slacked off. I know all you avid followers are disappointed, and I'm sorry. (ha!)

I'm starting a book that was recommended to me by Tony Spencer, a great mentor of mine. It's called "Jessie". He recommended it in response to my desire to live a life inspired and I'm very excited to see how it is.

My sister had a blog while she was in college and she experienced a lot of the same things I'm going through. This text that she made up really resounds with me:

I want to know you, Lord.
I want to know relief.
I want to know You love me.
Help my unbelief.

I don't think God wants us to be miserable. He doesn't want us to constantly doubt him, but I do think he wants us to doubt. How can we be absolutely sure of a God we didn't once doubt. My problem is that I gotten so caught up in doubting, that I even doubt in believing. It's a great frustration.

For today, this is all. I will try to be more attentive to my postings.

Some depth, some humor, some in between...

So today was a great day. We got to church right at 10:50 for the 10:55 service, only to find out that the service had actually started at 10:30. The sermon was excellent though. It was all about how we are pure in heart and how God has forgiven us our sins - including the ones we have yet to commit. That is comforting. Obviously it shouldn't be permission to go out and sin, but it is "insurance" so that if it does happen, we're "covered" (did I just make a sappy biblical virtue/insurance reference...).

In my devotion from last night, I read about the different christian symbols for Jesus. Symbols such as the cross or communion, and how these symbols have the power to stir emotions that we did not know existed. As I think about this now, I am reminded of the worship service we had 2 years ago in Buffalo, NY on our mission trip. At the end of the week, the team leaders washed the hands of all of their workers - representative of Jesus' washing of the disciples' feet. I remember being so moved by this act and can only imagine how the disciples must have felt in the moment that Jesus, their Lord and Savior, was on his knees washing their feet.

Anyway, I say all of this to say that I am very glad I live for the God I live for. Ever forgiving and ever present. I just hope that I can do the same. When I don't hear from God, don't blame it on God, understand that I must find God in a different way; and the best way to do that is to be forever in a state of worship.

A little bit of holy, a whole lot of common place...

Alright, so day 1 of life inspired. I'm trying to find God in the little things...but being such the "overanalyzer" that I am, it's kind of hard. Maybe the things that I think are silly, nothingness things are big deals to other people. For instance, today, I let a man pull out in front of me in a long line of cars...is that holy in the common place? Is that me being an imitation of Christ? See, I feel like those are just stupid little things that everyone should do, but maybe that's the problem. Maybe no one does them, so they are, indeed, "holy in the common place". I just wish I could feel better about them.

This has all made me think of the quote from St. Francis of Assisi:

"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."

In other words, do good. Act. Do. Be. Good. I also feel like I need affirmation. I think my "love language" is words of affirmation. I love getting letters, notes, or even facebook wall posts saying things like, "thanks for being you" because it makes me know that there are people who appreciate me. I know that it's stupid because there ARE people who appreciate me, but sometimes it's good to be reminded.

Those are my thoughts for today. They aren't very long, but it's my goal to post something every day. Hope you've had a good day.

Today: A Review

Merry Christmas! This post will probably not be as philosophical as the past two (if they've even been philosophical)...I'm trying to focus on the positive! As Sara Groves' lyrics say:

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed

It's my mission for 2010.

Anyway, today was a great day. One of the best Christmases, even amid the many idiosyncrasies in this year's schedule. Here is a list of the presents I got:

- NRSV Study Bible

- Bible Commentary

- New Strand of Pearls

- Monogrammed Umbrella

- Brown Snow Boots

- Balderdash

...and other knick-knacks and gadgets. After we opened presents, we had breakfast featuring the Christian family tradition of breakfast casserole. After 21 years of eating it, I've realized that I'm not so much a fan. I'm not so much a fan of casseroles in general. C'est la vie!

My mom wasn't in a very good mood this morning and I think it was because she was ashamed that she didn't have hundreds of dollars of presents for me...that's so silly. I wanted to remind her that the time that we spend together is so much more important than anything wrapped in overpriced wrapping paper that will eventually be ripped to shreds or than bows that took 15 minutes to construct and 15 seconds to destroy.

I'm also blessed to be able to spend time with both of my grandmothers - both of whom are in their 80's and have nothing to complain about other than slight hearing loss and tired knees. I pray that those are my only health issues when I'm 83 years old. I love them and they have both taught me so much in life, but I'm sure I will inevitably regret not spending more time with them. My paternal grandmother has a college education, is a world traveler, and missionary; my maternal grandmother is a retired librarian, fabulous cook, and fashionista. They are seemingly the antitheses of each other, but they both love me and their families all the same.

I've rambled, and it's nearing bedtime, and, after Iron Chef goes off, that's where I'll be going. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas as much as I enjoyed mine. I hope you enjoyed your family today as much as I enjoyed mine. And I hope you remembered Christ the baby, who today is all about.