A Prayer

Great God,

In the midst of all this incessant talking and arguing and finger pointing and word throwing, it's easy to forget to talk to you...and I have done just that.  Please, forgive me.  God, I pray for myself.  I pray that you will be a constant encourager in my life of being slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen.  God, please be with those people who have felt stung or rejected by political banter.  Encourage them as well.  Give them hope and excitement for a future of love and acceptance.  God, be with those who have administered the sting and rejection through their words of reprimand.  Open their hearts to see that those whom they recognize as a sinner is no different than them, and may not be a sinner in the way they believe.

God, help us all.  Help us all to model Christ.  Help us open our arms to those rejected in our society - whatever our society is.  Some may need to open their arms to embracing and loving homosexuality as not a sin, but as just another way of expressing love.  Some, like me, may need to open their arms to embracing those with differing opinions not as ignorant or closed-minded, but as another one of your creations to be loved and respected.  I ask, God I beg, that we all find the ability to communicate rationally without plan or agenda to change each others mind.  Help us all be open to hearing from "the other side" without putting up walls of defense around our own beliefs, so that through these conversations, we will be able to hear the truth spoken through You.

I believe you are a God of love and are truly capable of doing miraculous things, but we must be open and receptive to those miracles to see them.  Help us all be constantly anticipating hearing from you to speak love and justice in the ways that you believe are what we need.  Thank you God for the ability to speak freely about you and about our opinions without risk of punishment or death.  Help us not take that lightly or for granted.

I love you God and am grateful for your presence in my life.  Help me be that presence to others in all that I say and do.

Amen.

why I no longer hate surprises....

For all my life, I have HATED surprises. I'm not quite sure you understand how much I'm emphasizing hate. Here's an example: when I was little, my parents surprised me and my sister with a trip to DisneyWorld....THE MOST WONDERFUL PLACE ON EARTH!! And I was enraged. How did they expect me just to drop all of my 12-year-old, adolescent world plans and leave for DisneyWorld in 3 days? I got over it, but I think I still kinda hold a grudge. Anyway, this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...(you see what I did there?)

well guess what! I'm engaged...and it was a TOTAL SURPRISE! And apparently it's been almost 3 whole days now and it's still real life so I guess it's really happening. I am still so shocked and ecstatic and amazed and absolutely STOKED (if I use a word like stoked to describe an engagement emotion, does that make me too young to get engaged? hope not!). Anyway, here's how it happened:

William's ordination was on Sunday. I was SO excited to get to spend this day with him and his family in fellowship and celebration of his big day! I hadn't met a majority of his family - cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. They were all there and it was wonderful to meet them. The service was beautiful and meaningful and I'm almost positive the entire state of Georgia came and laid hands on him. After the service, there was a reception, so everyone headed to the fellowship hall. William wanted a whole family photo, so the entire family (including me) gathered on the steps of the sanctuary and we took a picture.

I went with William down to his office to drop some things off then headed to the fellowship hall. Before we got in, William pulled me back and gave me a hug and kissed me and said, "I just wanted to thank you for what you said during the laying on of hands. It means a lot." Well, I always get so frazzled when I lay on hands (mainly because I feel pressure for time constraints and for some reason I get crazy nervous) that I had forgotten what I'd said except something along the lines of, "I can't wait to be able to support each other's ministries for the rest of our lives." Well, we walked into the fellowship hall and people are chattering and enjoying punch and cupcakes and William wants to make an announcement. He loves to socialize and be around and with people, so this was no surprise to me. He said, "Can I get everyone's attention? I just want to thank you all for being here today and for supporting me and my ministry." But then, something kinda crazy happened. He said, "I also want to introduce to you all my girlfriend, Mary Kate Christian." (At this point, I'm thinking, "I already know a majority of these people and I'm not doing anything anymore special than what your family has done today...") and he says, "and in front of my family and our friends..." (then he pulls me forward a little bit) "...and her family" and I see my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, my precious niece, and two best friends and think, "holy cow something is about to happen." That's when this picture was taken...

Total shock and awe. He continues by saying, "I just wanted to let you know I love you and I know we've had our share of ups and downs, but I just wanted to know....will you marry me?" He got down on one knee and presented the most BEAUTIFUL ring I have ever seen in my life. With little to no advice from me, he picked out the most perfect ring in the world. It's exactly what I would have wanted and picked out for myself. Absolutely flawlessly perfect. My wonderful roommate was there and caught it all. I'm SO grateful.

So anyway, I'm getting married to the man of my dreams!! I'll let you all know as soon we we have an official date set, but it won't be until I graduate next May (2013). Thank you all for your excitement and words of support and encouragement. It's going to be an amazing and exciting journey!!

The last year and a half in review...

Well friends, I am officially halfway done with seminary. I have learned so much while being at McAfee. Of course, I've studied under biblical scholars and church historians and world renowned preachers and will never underestimate the importance of that. But I've never realized the truth behind the Mark Twain quote, "don't let your schooling get in the way of your education" until seminary.

I have made some incredible friends. As a first year student last year, I gravitated toward the second year students and we immediately bonded. Guys and girls alike - they became my family. In seminary, you don't just battle the drama of friendships (although that definitely still happens too...just because we're called by a higher authority does not mean we're above the drama), but you go through a spiritual journey. You discover yourself in a deeper way than you ever have before. Some days you hate it and feel trapped by your beliefs, some days you're freed and feel better than you've ever felt in your life.

This year, I realized the impending graduation of my now-third-year friends. This made me really sad, but instead of dwelling, I invested in the friendships of the girls in my class...and that has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. They're wonderful. We sit up and laugh and gossip and drink wine just like any other group of twenty-something girls you'll ever meet. But more importantly, we cry and yell and comfort each other too. I'm not sure I'll ever forget the night that Mary (first row on the left) offered to come over and console me at 1 in the morning when I was having a terrible night. She sat there and held me and let me cry and this means more to me than she'll ever know.

[Feel free to quit reading now if you're opposed to sap.]

I also have an amazing boyfriend. I feel so cheesy for talking about it - I'm not really a publicly lovey-dovey kind of girl, but I can't really help it when it comes to him...plus, Rachel posted about her boyfriend (now fiance!!!!) in the same fashion, so I feel like that's permission enough. Anyway, William is wonderful. He's been there for me through everything I've dealt with. And even though our relationship hasn't been the easiest thing to get off the ground, now that it is, I couldn't ask for anything more. He gets me. We have the same sense of humor, we listen to the same kind of music, we are passionate about the same things. It just works. It's in the silly little things...like when he winks at me or sends me text messages that make me laugh just because he knows they will. We can have serious conversations about important things in our lives and then 15 minutes later be talking in goofy accents and laughing hysterically. I like him because he's him and he likes me because I'm me and because of that, there's zero pressure. There's really nothing more to say about it other than repeating myself over and over. He's great, it works, I'm happy, end of story.

So to put it simply, I have loved being at McAfee. My professors are amazing, my friends are wonderful, and I've never felt more at home anywhere else. I truly expect for these people to be in my life for a long time in some capacity or another. I love you all and thank you for the impact you've had on my life. It won't be soon forgotten. Merry Christmas to you all, and I'll see you all in the new year!

what is wrong with me?

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I bear my soul. I, as a friend once said, have been an open book all 23 years of my life. So the following information may seem too exposed and personal to you, but for me, it's just another day in the life of Mary Kate.

3 weeks ago, I visited my family doctor. He came into the examining room expecting to talk about my thyroid - the recurring health issue that had been the cause of my last 5 visits - but when he glanced down at my chart and saw what the nurse had scribbled down, he said, "Oh...you're not here for that at all..." I was there to talk about the depression and anxiety I had been experiencing. There were days that I wanted nothing more than to lay in bed. I ate only because I had to, not because I wanted to. I could cry at the drop of a hat. I was not sleeping well at night.

Last November, I received news that my parents would be separating. I have struggled with this fact every day since. It feels weird to say, when I go home, that I'm going to my mom's house. I hate having to schedule time to see my dad. But this is now a part of life and I must adjust.

In July, I accepted a ministry position in a church that was already struggling. I took on lots of responsibility and hoped for the best. I was one of three ministers on staff - all seminary students. I was starting my second year of graduate school and, in addition to the stress of family issues, I could not handle it anymore.

In September, I could take it no more. After personal relationship issues pushed me to the edge, I broke down. I was simply experiencing too much stress.

I sat in the doctor's office that Friday 3 weeks ago and admitted that I need help. I can't do this on my own. I was frustrated that I couldn't help myself. I have always struggled with control issues and this was not helping. I wished I could just grin and bear it. I wished God would just step down and help, but as another doctor told a friend, "that's why God invented medicine."

Before I say this, let me acknowledge that I know it's going to sound twisted. But, some days I am angry that I don't remember having cancer when I was 9 months old. At one of my lowest points, I was weeping on the phone to my mom who so gently said, "I know you don't remember it, but there was a time when you were in a lot more pain than this. But you were strong and you were always happy. You didn't know any other way to be." She said this in an attempt to console me, and now that I'm medicated and feeling a lot better, I can see that. But at the time, I felt guilty. I was sitting there in an apartment that has functioning heat and air, a stocked pantry, and I had a full stomach - and I was complaining about not having an appetite.

My mind drifted to my cancer...how powerless my parents must have felt. "How dare you feel bad right now when they have been through so much." My mind drifted to the millions of people in this world who have nothing...who literally don't know where they will sleep tonight. "How dare you feel bad right now when they are suffering."

Maybe this post is overdramatic. Maybe I'm overanalyzing...as per usual. But what I learned from my experience is this: it is okay to suffer and cry and scream during your darkest most painful days, as long as you remember and try to do something for those whose days are darker.

God, give me opportunities to spread and share the many resources you have generously afforded me. Open the eyes of the world to a better place of more justice and equal opportunity for everyone. Let us live as Jesus lived - allowing us to pray for the cup to pass, but dying for others anyway. Thank you for your love.

my heart is aching, but I can always fake it...

If any of you know me at all, you know that when I'm sad, I turn to the lyrics that comprise the title of this post.

"my heart is aching/but i can always fake it/i am hypocrisy/each and every day..."

But today, I can no longer fake it. I am sick. I am disgusted. And I am angry.

I was born in Hickory, North Carolina in 1988 and I did not leave until I moved to college in 2006. I even went to college in North Carolina, and it was there that I fell in love. Not with a person, but with a region. The mountains of Western North Carolina are indescribably beautiful. Especially this time of year. While sitting on a college campus in Atlanta, GA, I can still close my eyes and see the vibrant yellows, oranges, reds, and greens that are surely pervading the campus of Mars Hill College and I want nothing more than to be there. I want to breathe in the clean, crisp mountain air. I want to sit on the quad with my friends and lay under the blue sky. And as much as I miss it, I feel my home state has betrayed me today. And I am angry.

You want to know what North Carolina thinks?

“Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state.” (Raleigh News & Observer)

What makes me most angry about this statement is that it is the prejudiced, closed-minded leaders in our state Senate that lead the pack. Forget the 57% of North Carolinians who support gay marriage and civil unions.

You know when North Carolina gets to vote on this?

May 12, 2012. The day of the Republican Primaries.

The most ironic part of this is the deterioration of marriage in this country. In 2009, it is reported that there were 36,708 divorces in the state of North Carolina. That's 100.5 divorces every day.

Every day, 100.5 men are leaving their wives. 100.5 women are walking away from their husbands. 100.5 families are being torn apart.

But how dare we let two people, regardless of gender, try to reverse this by proving their love for one another. As my friend Rachel pointed out this is not a religious fight. This is a deeply personal fight for millions of people who are God-loving people. Love is love. Atheists are capable of loving just as passionately as even the most fervent Christians. Who are we to say they are not allowed to do so just because they love someone of the same sex? Regardless of whether or not you "believe homosexuality is a sin," you are denying the basic principle on which this country was founded - life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for every single person.

I am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday (because, sadly, this is all it takes to prove to most how "strong" of a Christian I am). But this is not a Christian nation. If God blesses America, so too does God bless Mexico and China and Iran and Libya. We are to uphold the basic rights of our citizens and when we neglect to honor their right to be happy, we neglect what our country is founded on.

To any of my LGBTQ friends who may be reading this, move away from North Carolina. Support another state's local economy for no other reason other than they support you. You are loved somewhere, and I am heartbroken that it is not the state in which I was raised. You deserve better than what North Carolina is offering you.

and a second is like it...

"'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it, 'love your neighbor as yourself.'" -Matthew 22:37-39 (NRSV)

Who is our neighbor? Growing up, Mr. and Mrs. Brown were on one side of my house and Mr. and Mrs. Broom were on the other. This was my naive, elementary understanding of neighbor. They were my neighbors simply because of the location of our houses: 349, 351, and 353 7th Ave Place NW. But now? Who is our neighbor? I guess Mexico and Canada are our geographical neighbors. I have some crazy Eastern Europeans who live across from me in our apartment complex. But who did Jesus mean? I bet he meant gay people, those inflicted with HIV/AIDS and Malaria, those who are homeless, the elderly...are you uncomfortable yet? You mean I have to love them? What if he meant, dare I say it, Osama bin Laden.

Gasp. Please, take a seat if you need to. Jesus knocks us off our feet quite frequently with the things he says. "Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do." These people are screw ups, God...but it's not their fault. Show them your love anyway. And are we not called to be like Jesus? Doesn't "Christian" mean "little Christ"? Put Jesus's words in your mouth and speak them from your own heart. Really. Do it. "Forgive them, Father." Through Christ, we have the power to forgive. What an immense blessing...but too, what a tormenting curse. With this power comes great responsibility - isn't that always the case. Do we really have to forgive everyone? Not only forgive them, but LOVE them.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner." Have you heard that one? It's so catchy. But, in my experience, sin is a part of who we are. If we love the sinner, and don't love (even hate) the sin...isn't there a little part of the sinner themselves that we hate? We must love their whole being - including all their baggages of sin. Do you love yourself? After all, aren't we all sinners? So, we need to forgive (to LOVE) the gay population, the elderly, the children, the homeless...hold on, here we go again, Osama bin Laden.

When I was born, I was not just born into America, I was born into Christianity (literally, it's my last name). It is part of who I am just as much as being an American. Call me unpatriotic, call me blasphemous, call me a terrible American. That's fine. It's all opinion...just like this blog. I still remember September 11th. Admittedly, I was young and stupid and didn't understand its devastation until years later, but this doesn't mean I am not still impacted by it. My heart still aches for those families whose dad's favorite chair still sits empty every night in their dens, for those children who will never get to experience their mother's love, for those siblings who no longer have a brother or sister to call to share exciting news with. But, as a Christian, my heart also breaks for the death of bin Laden. He was a child of God just as much as you and I are.

My charge to us is this: Let's think first about what we're celebrating. Are we celebrating being a step closer to peace (even though one step isn't much compared to thousands of miles)? Or are we celebrating the death of a child of God? Which would Jesus celebrate...think about it.

Meditations on Good Friday

I was up until 4:30 Wednesday night, or I guess Thursday morning, studying for a test I had yesterday. One of the topics we were tested on was the social setting and main theme in Hebrews. The author of this message wrote to these people, many of who were new converts to Christianity, encouraging them not to return to Judaism. As I read the following passage this evening, I want to challenge you to hear it with new ears. Hear it from the perspective of a brand new Christian, struggling to live a completely new way of life:

HEBREWS 10:16-25: ‘This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds’, 
he also adds,
‘I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.’ 
Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.

Therefore, my friends, since we have confidence to enter the sanctuary by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain (that is, through his flesh), and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us approach with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

What peace this message must have brought….but also, what challenge. “Let us approach with a true heart in full assurance of faith,” the author encourages, but I can’t help but imagine that was probably easier said than done. Easier said than done because it was all so new to these people. It would have been easy to stay a Jew; to follow through with the habits and customs of a lifetime spent practicing that faith. Admittedly, I’m making a few assumptions in stating these claims, but I don’t think they’re too far-fetched. I think if we all really thought about converting from Christianity to Islam or Buddhism, we would probably struggle too.

But isn’t that the theme of tonight? Struggle? It’s easy to read this passage at face value and accept it as an encouragement and hope for a better future with Jesus, but it’s also easy to do that with Good Friday. I’m not trying to discourage us from looking forward to Easter. After all, without Easter (as Frederick Buechner says) there would be no New Testament, no Church, no Christianity. But without Good Friday, we wouldn’t have any contrast to such a miraculous event. It is through Good Friday that we gain a true perspective of Easter Sunday. It is in the struggle, in the pain, and in the trial where we learn to understand what a blessing Easter morning really is.

So, yes, let’s heed the author’s advice in the message to the new Christians: let us have confidence to enter the sanctuary by the blood of Jesus, let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering. But let us do so with the understanding of struggle. Just as it was hard for these people to accept a new way of life as Christians, so too was it hard for Jesus to forsake his life completely in order to give birth to Christianity through resurrection.

Easter morning, new life, joy, and celebration are just around the corner – and when it comes, let’s rejoice. But let’s pay attention to the struggle tonight.